Bourne On The Fourth Of July (Archives)

Nothing says "Happy July 4th" better than donning an Uncle Sam suit and walking down Main Street waving Old Glory.

The Cape Cod Whale Trail represented hard on the streets of the Bay.

You get a lot of music at the Bourne On The 4th Of July parade, but it tends to be like a minute of a song from 10 different bands.

No, they weren't all playing the same song, which- to be fair- would be quite a feat.

Why even own a hot car if you aren't going to crawl down Main Street in it during a parade while the suckers are steady hatin,' wishing they had your ride? It's like the old movie said... "You can't get laid IN that car.... but you get laid."

Not only did Bourne have a parade, we had an across-the-bay view of the Onset fireworks... without the Onset. We watched from the Massachusetts Maritime Academy.

The Bourne FD, steady rollin'....

The Boy Scouts and the Cub Scouts were handing out candy to parade viewers. Be Prepared... to give me some candy. I went home with a ton, and I'm 46. It's for my kid.... honest!

I kind of forget, but I think this is the Episcopal Church bear.

Terrorists rarely mess with July 4th parades, because July 4th parades often have the Armed Forces in them.

If your parade doesn't have Kilt People, your parade is wiggedy-wiggedy whack.

Any and every time I go to the park, I always check in with Stan Gibbs. Once I do, the rest of my time along the Canal will go off without incident.

Once the muay-thai people see you taking their picture, you want to use it, and make no jokes while using it.

Besides, if you're nice, Batman has martial artists give you candy. Note the still-life effect on the kid's throwing hand. He was throwing them like shuriken, with 100% accuracy. Nice shot, Jessica...

The DPW trots out the big pieces for the parade.

Everyone's favorite float, the Pirate Ship. The ship has cannon which can actually be fired. Keep in mind, explosions where people are lining the streets bring out screams of "Holy Tsarnaev!"

I usually only get this view of a sirens-on police truck when I am hiding under a car after a short pursuit.

The Canal Fest was also a big hit, making some money for the National Marine Life Center. There were lots of fun rides for the kids.

We now pause for a word from our sponsors...

See you next July 4th!